coffees, truths and spontaneities
I'm writing from my phone. It's a first.
I'm writing because for the last two hours I've been trying, and failing, to fall asleep. I just wasted two hours of my life and about to waste some more if I don't do something. Like writing.
So I'm just gonna blurt out everything that comes, off the top of my head. Let's see how it goes.
I have no access to a PC outside of the office these days so in order to post this, I gotta endure the pain. Of typing on my phone, that is. I got shaky fingers (all the time) and (on a phone) typing long sentences in a long period of time is excruciating. To say the least. Shaky fingers.
For quite some time now, I've been suspecting I have OCD. Or epilepsy. Or PD.
I'm jumpy all the time. Thoughts keep me up most nights. I feel the need to get things right so much it's so taxing and I have this tendency to do a 'thing' when I'm under pressure. It's inappropriate so I'm not telling.
So this post is absolutely getting more out of me than normal (which I'm probably not).
Also, take this. My battery is almost at 30%. At exactly that, my phone will inform me to plug it. A thing so petty to be having this rush, these heartbeats, this impulse, this need, to finish this post before my phone warns me. But I am definitely feeling those things
I acknowledge that there is something. Very wrong. But I've long resigned to the fact that maybe everyone else is also flawed and got complexities too.
I've been asked of my sexuality since maybe at puberty and every single time, I try to laugh it off, make jokes, anything just to avoid having to answer the question. The truth is, I get attracted to anyone, regardless of gender. It's confusing.
I'm saying I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I got issues I will never tell anyone. Things my parents will never be proud of. Maybe everyone else got things like that too.
*clearing my throat*
That wasn't exactly what I set out to write when I got here. Wow. That's what happens when I let myself go crazy or drink coffee at night.
This was it, I actually meant to write something like this:
It's pretty late. It's actually morning (finished: 4:27am) already but I'm feeling good. Put in some music (in repetition), specifically this song called 'Flashlight' by Jessie J and everything is just peachy.
This, by the way, is tonight's culprit.
By not being able to sleep, I was able to write. That atleast makes the night not such a waste.
I'm writing because for the last two hours I've been trying, and failing, to fall asleep. I just wasted two hours of my life and about to waste some more if I don't do something. Like writing.
So I'm just gonna blurt out everything that comes, off the top of my head. Let's see how it goes.
I have no access to a PC outside of the office these days so in order to post this, I gotta endure the pain. Of typing on my phone, that is. I got shaky fingers (all the time) and (on a phone) typing long sentences in a long period of time is excruciating. To say the least. Shaky fingers.
For quite some time now, I've been suspecting I have OCD. Or epilepsy. Or PD.
I'm jumpy all the time. Thoughts keep me up most nights. I feel the need to get things right so much it's so taxing and I have this tendency to do a 'thing' when I'm under pressure. It's inappropriate so I'm not telling.
So this post is absolutely getting more out of me than normal (which I'm probably not).
Also, take this. My battery is almost at 30%. At exactly that, my phone will inform me to plug it. A thing so petty to be having this rush, these heartbeats, this impulse, this need, to finish this post before my phone warns me. But I am definitely feeling those things
I acknowledge that there is something. Very wrong. But I've long resigned to the fact that maybe everyone else is also flawed and got complexities too.
I've been asked of my sexuality since maybe at puberty and every single time, I try to laugh it off, make jokes, anything just to avoid having to answer the question. The truth is, I get attracted to anyone, regardless of gender. It's confusing.
I'm saying I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I got issues I will never tell anyone. Things my parents will never be proud of. Maybe everyone else got things like that too.
*clearing my throat*
That wasn't exactly what I set out to write when I got here. Wow. That's what happens when I let myself go crazy or drink coffee at night.
This was it, I actually meant to write something like this:
It's pretty late. It's actually morning (finished: 4:27am) already but I'm feeling good. Put in some music (in repetition), specifically this song called 'Flashlight' by Jessie J and everything is just peachy.
This, by the way, is tonight's culprit.
A proof of my spontaneity.
By not being able to sleep, I was able to write. That atleast makes the night not such a waste.
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