For when

I'm outside as I write this. The sky is quite dark tonight, the clouds barely give way for the few of the stars that do come out. I wish there were more stars. Thankfully, the wind is chilly enough to make up for it. Especially because it's warm inside.
I'm the only one out and I can hear what the others are doing inside, see some neighbors coming home to their houses, there are young men noisily having conversations. Oddly, I can't hear anyone doing videoke. It's so in the trend in this area it's kind of weird if you don't  hear it. Like it's weird that I'm feeling this calmness listening to random noises. Weird how I have this thought: I realize I'm so lucky.
I want a sky full of stars but it's more likely to rain this evening than for the stars to come out. But it is not raining. If it was, I couldn't stay out. And I wouldn't be writing this now. I'm thankful for that.
I hate my job. There's no other way to say it. I hate my job. I hate how it makes me anxious most of the time. How it makes me afraid, how it makes me a bad person sometimes. But the thing is, I do have a job. It pays the bills. I'm able to pay back to my parents. I know some people who can't say the same. Saying that though doesn't change how I feel towards my job. I'm still anxious. It still makes me grumpy. But this thought helps me make sense of it.
Maybe life is like that. Some other things will be there to make up for what you can't have.