Lost Memory Lane
We have these sudden thoughts, realizations, inspirations - or whatever you call those things that just come into your head out of the blue - and somehow, someway, they come to me sometimes and I keep forgetting to write them. By the time I remember to write, too late, I've lost it, that memory.
You see, I have a wish. I wish I learned to write diary much earlier, when I was happier, cared less, lived more. When everything outside your world didn't matter and caring wasn't something you had to feel. When everything you said came straight from your mind without a filter. So that one day, I'll have known that there was a time in my life when I was that person, similar and yet unlike to the one who's writing. That way, I'll have known at what point I changed, what changed me and why I did.
But I didn't.
It feels like throwing the piece of paper you just made a great drawing on.
I don't have a baby picture and so I used to wonder if I'm really my parents' daughter. The youngest picture of me was taken when I was about 4 or 5. That was the part of my life when I learned how to read. I don't remember being able to read at 4. My mother told me. That means I don't remember much of what happened in that part of my life. My parents could have just picked me up somewhere. I mean, I wouldn't remember. The fact that all my so-called siblings have double names doesn't help either. Okay, I'm my parents' daughter. But the point is, memories are too important not to be remembered. I wish I had a baby picture, in the same way that I wish I could have written earlier.
But I don't.
It's when I flip through the pages of my life in a photo album, remembering how I laughed, what I looked like, who I was friends with, and realizing those things are gone that break my heart. Worse is when I flip through those remaining baby pictures and I realize mine is missing. It's like somehow you managed to lived through a part of your life without remembering you did.
One thing I learned about being away from home is that you can't take things for granted when you know they don't last long. You kind of grab every opportunity presented to you. You start to hate missing things. And that's a good thing because one day, it's the small things that will make you appreciate the life that you lived. Sometimes, those things that you forgot to write.
You see, I have a wish. I wish I learned to write diary much earlier, when I was happier, cared less, lived more. When everything outside your world didn't matter and caring wasn't something you had to feel. When everything you said came straight from your mind without a filter. So that one day, I'll have known that there was a time in my life when I was that person, similar and yet unlike to the one who's writing. That way, I'll have known at what point I changed, what changed me and why I did.
But I didn't.
It feels like throwing the piece of paper you just made a great drawing on.
I don't have a baby picture and so I used to wonder if I'm really my parents' daughter. The youngest picture of me was taken when I was about 4 or 5. That was the part of my life when I learned how to read. I don't remember being able to read at 4. My mother told me. That means I don't remember much of what happened in that part of my life. My parents could have just picked me up somewhere. I mean, I wouldn't remember. The fact that all my so-called siblings have double names doesn't help either. Okay, I'm my parents' daughter. But the point is, memories are too important not to be remembered. I wish I had a baby picture, in the same way that I wish I could have written earlier.
But I don't.
It's when I flip through the pages of my life in a photo album, remembering how I laughed, what I looked like, who I was friends with, and realizing those things are gone that break my heart. Worse is when I flip through those remaining baby pictures and I realize mine is missing. It's like somehow you managed to lived through a part of your life without remembering you did.
One thing I learned about being away from home is that you can't take things for granted when you know they don't last long. You kind of grab every opportunity presented to you. You start to hate missing things. And that's a good thing because one day, it's the small things that will make you appreciate the life that you lived. Sometimes, those things that you forgot to write.
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